The zombies are keeping me from writing.

So I don't so much believe in "writer's block."  I do, however, believe in "writer's procrastination."  Right now I think I am the Queen of Procrastination Country.  I do all sorts of things, stupid, useless, waste-of-time things completely on purpose instead of writing which is the thing I want most to be doing.

The quote, "How we spend our days, is of course, how we spend our lives," which I think is by Dickinson, haunts me daily.  I will clean anything and everything, I will play Angry Birds and Plants vs. Zombies for hours, or Facebook myself to death before I will sit down and write.  It's really disgusting.  I end up having such guilt when I count the hours wasted and think of how many words could have been written in that time.  So why do I torture myself with the guilt and self-loathing when I alone can just have some discipline and self-respect to not waste the time and get down to the business of writing?

Well, I think about this while I keep telling myself just one more load of laundry or just one more round of Angry Birds (those clever little pigs).  There are many reasons why I do this and I'm sure I'm not alone.  First, writing for me is like sculpting.  I get this image in my head of what it is I'm creating and when it might not be looking like I first intended, I walk away, get some perspective.  My writing so far, I've been pleasantly surprised, has taken on a life of it's own.  Ideas start popping while I'm writing and it's going in different directions and developing more layers.  It's getting kind of intense and I'm juggling more balls than I originally imagined. Plus, I'm developing this emotional attachment to my creation.  I'm starting to think of it as a whole and what this creation will be and mean when it's complete.  What if it's not good?  After all, I'm not just writing it for the sake of writing.  I want something in return from it, whether it be monetary or a sense of accomplishment or something I can be proud of or something I can hold and say that I met a goal I set for myself and on and on.  It has to be good.  How do I distance myself from this creation and look at it with objective eyes and say, yeah, this is good or decent or it totally sucks?

Anyway, so I spend my days thinking about my book more than writing it.  However, I'm writing it all the time, re-writing it, editing it constantly, all while I'm blowing up zombies with potato bombs.  It's working itself out.  I think I shouldn't beat myself up too much about doing the things that aren't physically writing because it's still, in a way, writing.  It's just in my head.


Anyway, so that's what I was thinking about today.  Now, I'm gonna go write.  Really!